Thursday, June 9, 2011

Love Love Love

I know what it feels like to wake up in pain. In fact, over the past month or so, my pain has fluctuated so much I have no idea what to think. One night on a dormitory mattress at my sister's college graduation proved too much for my body to handle; I was sore for weeks. Speculation about the tumor and what that could mean just serves to drive a person nuts, and I've learned to live from day to day, treating each as its own blessing.

I'm happy to say that since this last round of chemo, the pain in my back has diminished to at least its pre-dorm mattress levels, and living each day in less pain really does make living so much easier and so much more enjoyable.

One of those things I've been enjoying, rather than waking up in pain, is waking up in love. I've been waking up every day in the midst of uncertainty, yet overwhelmed by love like I never knew was possible. I know I've said it before, but Laci reminds me that I can have everything there is to have in this world, and I feel so lucky to be planning to have it all with her. I'm not saying that choosing color palettes for bridesmaids dresses and flowers has become my favorite pastime; my eyes still occasionally wander back towards the television (shh, don't tell), but I'm excited for things I've never been excited for before. I miss her before she leaves my side, and I revel in the fact that only a few more hours stand between us and another hello kiss.

I feel foolish, partially for saying this here. I feel silly because I've never felt it before. I sit here and think about her and start laughing over things that aren't really funny but stand out to me as part of who she is; a part of me. Yes, I feel aches and pains, and I still feel scared sometimes. But it's all overshadowed by love. I feel love. Every day. For that I am eternally thankful.

5 comments:

  1. I love you more every single day. I feel our love every second and I get excited thinking about spending the rest of my life with you, my best friend. We are so lucky. P.S. Thank you for pretending to be interested in wedding colors. ;)

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  2. I admire your courage and candor. I too am a cancer survivor. I wish you every success and blessing.
    Douglas Glenn Clark
    http://bit.ly/njloPc

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  3. Jon and Laci: you have no idea how often you are on my mind. My wishes for all good for both of you.
    Much Love,
    Linda G

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  4. I felt so happy to be able to look up your blog and find this post today. It's the first day of my vacation here in VT and your writing brings me back to the important things. Love is a blessing and to be in the company of your special one is as good as it gets. Thanks for reminding me today! My best to you and Laci in your wedding plans and always.

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  5. Linda Granowetter MDSeptember 9, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    Hi Jonathan:
    I think of you each day and send good vibes your way. Julia G-b and I stay in contact about all that is going on and I think she has been on track. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Love to both you and Laci and awe of the love you share.
    Linda Granowetter

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