Saturday, September 26, 2009

Late Night Thought

I had every intention of telling a story tonight, but then I just threw up. A lot. Pretty much everything I ate today. I thought I had a pretty good chance at keeping it all down, but that just wasn't the case.

And now I just feel like a liar because I can't think of anything other than why this is happening to me, and I swore not to do that. I just threw up and I don't want to get out of bed to do it again, and I know that everyone else my age is out on their Friday night doing what someone my age is supposed to be doing with their Friday night. I'm too sick to fall asleep, too alone not to cry, and all I know is that this is the closest I've ever felt to death and I'm praying with all my heart for it not to come any closer, though it's entirely out of my control. All I want is for someone to come here and be with me. Just wrap their arms around me. Just until I fall asleep.


  1. Being violently sick to your stomach will easily make you wonder why. I like your swear not to though, and hope you stick to stopping the thought.
    Holding you deserve.

  2. Hi Jonathan,

    I am good friends with your father. We met one night at the restaurant that he plays at. I am truly inspired by your messages. You have been so strong over these past few months and must continue to fight hard, even through those rough days. I know this is easier said than done. Never lose hope. Everyone is behind you with their support and prayers. When this is all over, your story and words to others will be so powerful and will help them through their recovery. You have made great gains over the past weeks so don't let any set backs bring you down. You are strong, you are brave, you are a fighter and will WIN in the end.
    Take care,
    Jaime Gillies

  3. Jon I just found your blog and read all your posts, and this one really got to me. It's the shortest, the most straightforward, and the simplest, and I've read it 4 times now, and each time I get to the end there are tears streaming down my face.

    I have no idea what you're going through, but I have no doubt that if anyone can make it through this, it's you. And this blog is such a constructive way to deal with it. I'll make sure to keep reading.

  4. Great writing.You express yourself very well I don't think I could do it.